Moving here was a tragic mistake. The neighbors smile with their mouths and scream with their eyes. After dark there are gunshots, then a silence that listens back.
entries for “Paradise”
Moving here was a tragic mistake. The neighbors smile with their mouths and scream with their eyes. After dark there are gunshots, then a silence that listens back.
I only came for milk. The town had other plans. A dog followed me home — the one honest face left in Paradise. He doesn’t pretend not to hear it either.
Someone keeps the camera on me. I used to call it paranoia. But paranoia does not leave footprints in the hallway. Paranoia does not reload.
We rehearsed this scene. I forgot my lines. “Improvise,” they said. The red light never turns off. Somewhere along the way I stopped turning off too.
there is no town
there was only ever this room
the tape kept rolling
it always keeps rolling
smile — you’re on camera. you always were.
You opened every door in a town that was always one room. Behind each of them, the same man — swearing the camera made him do it.
The war was never outside. I staged it so I’d have somewhere to aim that wasn’t my own chest. The red light was never recording the town. It was only ever recording me.
— sin escenografía —
Y ya que llegaste hasta el fondo, te debo la verdad sin cámaras.
No hubo pueblo. No hubo guerra. No hubo Director. Hubo una chica, y un día en que elegí ser cruel porque la crueldad pesaba menos que el miedo. La perdí con mis propias manos, y me pasé años filmando monstruos para no tener que mirar al único que importaba.
Guardo dos cosas que sólo me atrevo a decirle al ojo: un año que no consigo olvidar y una hora de la que nunca salí. Si las supieras, sabrías mi nombre.
Lo siento. Ya sé que no alcanza; nunca alcanzó. Pero es lo único que estas manos vacías todavía saben hacer.
smile. you’re still on camera. / sonríe. seguís en cámara.